Това е другата ми история за final project-а. Само че вече съм я предала. Което нищо не значи. Ще се радвам да чуя отзиви. И не, не е базирана на истинска история, макар че има някои биографични факти. Можех и да сменя имената, но без друго се разбира за кого говоря. Какво да се правя на луда... ;) Ами, надявам се да ви хареса. Малко е необичайна за моя стил по мое мнение, ама май според хората не е голямо отклонение. Айде стига интродукция. Ето я и историята:
I was shivering in the cold tent in the Pirin Mountains. I couldn’t give any more specific information about our location, since we obviously hadn’t reached the mountain hostel we were supposed to sleep in and now had no idea where exactly we were. Somewhere along the way… Hopefully!
“Who made me come here with you?!”
“Don’t blame me. You’re responsible for your choices.”
It was only a year ago that he had tried to get me killed in the mountains. Why was I here with him now? Always trust your psychiatrist! Oh, yeah! And what if he is crazier even than you?
“Can’t we at least make a fire?” I was obviously desperate. It was unbearably cold. Not to mention the injuries that the walking, the flying stones and the slippery boulders had caused me to suffer.
“Good idea! And what do you suggest that we burn?”
Oh, yes! I had missed the rain. The whole nature was soaked.
“Isn’t there a way to get warmer?” I was almost crying.
“Clothing.”
“Everything’s on,” tears were already sliding down my cheeks. I was really freezing. Wasn’t that obvious?
“OK,” he said in a giving-in tone. “Come here.”
Yay! The flashlight set in the middle of the blanket beneath us had produced enough light to illuminate my misery.
I huddled up next to him. Not that it was my purpose but was there another way to survive in the frigid wilderness of the Bulgarian mountains?
“How are you now?” some care finally came through in his voice.
“Much better, thanks!” I answered flashing a smile in his face. And when I say in his face, I really mean it, since the distance between our lips got so neglectfully short that it felt extremely awkward. A silent moment was necessary to restore the disturbed ease.
“Do you think we’ll be able to get to the next shelter tomorrow? I’m gonna die if I have to spend another night like this.”
Well, I had obviously inherited his lack of tact. At least, the momentary silence was broken.
“I hope so” he said seriously, though not especially concerned. “I am going to read now.”
“What?” How could he always do that to me? “And what am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know,” that is, you are not my problem.
“Let’s talk. Please!” He knew that he couldn’t get away with an individually-engaging activity so easily when I was around. A friend of his had once told me that I was the only person he had seen make Asen do what she wanted him to do despite his unwillingness. Twice! I was so proud of my accomplishment, although it only came as a confirmation of the fact that I could be extremely annoying.
“OK, darling, tell me about college life in the States.”
Surrendering? That was not in his style. He’d changed I gladly confirmed to my curious inner self. Nicer, more responsible, but still believing that I could not be loved. When was he going to grow this up?
* * *
The unlovable thing had come up in an e-mail I had received from him. It read that he wouldn’t have a sincere romantic relationship with me, because I was so inescapably authoritative. That’s just too nice of the person I considered my psychiatrist because of the unprecedented influence he had on me. Great! And it was in response to my complaint of the intolerable attitude of my then boyfriend to me. Don’t ask me how I forgave Asen. It was difficult!
* * *
“I was just starting to like it, when I had to go home. You know, the adjustment issues…”
“I see.”
“But it’s a great place. I met Johnny.” A smile of recognition had started to immerge on Asen’s face. “I saw him skate TWICE! Where else on earth could that have happened to me?” There it was! Of course, everyone knew about Johnny and now probably even those who didn’t, at least knew that I had met him. Some Johnny, an “ice” skater of some sort… People were so ignorant!
“I hate it when people call it ice skating. It’s so not specific.”
“Figure skating.”
“Right.” Sometimes he really surprised me by being what I wanted him to be. No, not him. I wanted to meet someone who was like that. The first occurrence of this phenomenon had left me speechless. He threw the bomb as he was showing me around the Bulgarian capital: “I’m an atheist.” What?! (not aloud). Well, he wasn’t anymore. Or was he? I never knew with Asen. Anyway. Over the years, I had gotten used to his outbursts of revelation. And their volatile nature… So, I enthusiastically hurried to roll in his arms and face him before the inspiration had steamed away. Not exactly the right move.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said embarrassed as my nose had just bumped into his forehead. Why, on earth, had he bent his head down? Perfect. Now we had to get out of this awkward position, if he didn’t want me to continue fogging his sight with my breath. Our noses gently slid against each other. No time for hesitation.
“Nothing can compare with seeing figure skating live” I hastily continued with a restored grin as if nothing had happened. “It’s more exciting even than eventually surviving after 3 days in the mountains with you.”
We laughed relieved at only six inches apart, at least our faces. I dismissed the thought of the inexistent distance between the rest of our body parts. What would happen if he kissed me? a ninth-grade thought crossed my mind.
“You were right that it was going to be funny to think about, once it was over. The suicidal mountain adventure is one of my favorite stories.”
“Oh, yeah,” he laughed.
“What are you laughing at?” I asked not intent on concealing my own smile.
“The image of you being dragged down the moraines.”
“Hey!” I pretended to be nettled. Although, I admit I must have been quite a sight, squeezing Asen’s hand as he was racing ahead down the steep stony walls of the Rila Mountains. But it hadn’t been so funny back then. “It hurt to fall on the stones.” I gloomily remembered. I loved the story, not the memory of the blades of grass cutting through my fingers, as I held to them along the sloping path over the rocky chasm, or of the jagged rocks that colored my legs in unrecognizable blue. “I still have scars along my legs. It was…”
My attention was abruptly shifted, as he moved his hand down my leg.
“What are you doing?” I laughed uneasily.
“Oh…” he woke up. “I am sorry.”
“Get out of this stupor.” Amused, I partially turned my head to catch a glimpse of his eyes. “What were you thinking?”
“I was considering possibly raping you to make this mountain adventure an even more exciting memory than your figure skating events.”
A moment of silence. That was a little over the top.
“You can’t...” I started playfully.
“Are you sure?” he interrupted.
“…make it more exciting than figure skating.” I finished provocatively, complementing the challenge with an appropriate look. We laughed. But his hand unexpectedly continued its way down my leg. He didn’t give me the chance to protest though.
“Is that the spot where the stone that my cousin accidentally kicked hit your leg last year?”
“I’d say a little lower, if I wasn’t scared that your illegitimate walk would continue.”
Silence devoid of motion. Have I succeeded in making the untouchable Asen feel uneasy?
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I smiled and bestowed a kiss on his cheek. Then I made myself more comfortable wrapping my numb fingers in the warm pullover beneath his open jacket. In response he confidently embraced me in warmth and softness, away from the ice I so passionately dreamt of and the hard rocks I didn’t want to remember.
The wind was howling against the tent. From time to time the cobbles underneath our blanket were prickling the left side of my legs as the other half of me was lying on his soft, thick jacket.
“I didn’t mean it to sound as if I wanted to sleep with you.” After so many years of sporadic communication with me he knew I was taking some things way too seriously.
“I know, don’t worry.” Well, he wouldn’t love me and maybe he had reached the point in his development at which he didn’t want anything purely physical. I knew he was better than that. About the physical relationship, anyway. But why unlovable? It had surfaced my mind again. Perhaps, I hadn’t forgiven him.
“You know that I hate you, don’t you.” It was getting late, which made me cruelly frank.
“Of course” he laughed at my point.
“No, I am serious!” My tone was dramatically changed. “Why did you have to tell me how you can’t even imagine a person in a sincere, devoid of lies, relationship with me?! That was awful!”
I fixed my eyes on him while still in his warm embrace. No other place to go. The night was colder than his heart! He joined the glance. The smile on his face dissolved in the mist of our breaths. He was now serious.
“Doll, I never meant it to sound so general. It was just my personal opinion, which concerned no one but me. It was just a free insight into this sort of thinking.”
Too conceited but I knew his style. My glance became milder. “Really?”
He nodded gravely to make me understand that it was no joke.
“I’m sorry, if…”
“So I can be loved?” I interrupted him. Notes of fear sounded in my voice. Was it my overly self-critical attitude that always got me into traps like that?
He pulled me nearer to himself.
“Of course, you can! You will be!” His firm eyes met mine. And we smiled at each other. Chain reaction. I could feel his hands on my waist. He kissed me on the cheek.
“I am glad you’re here with me.” “I am glad, too!” My answer was sugarcoated by our last exchange of smiles for this night. Following this, I found a soft place on his chest to place my head and finally succumbed to the sleep, which had obstinately been pulling my eyelids down for quite sometime now. In the end, I was warm and safe in the arms of a friend.
Мисля, че и на Чико му е скучно. Опитва се вече от сумати време да изяде новия си дом. Той досега живееше в кашон, от който между другото също опитвал да похапва. С кашона обаче е имал повече успех. Клетката нещо не се дава. 
:))
:) Е, сега вече видяхте и племенника ми. Много е сладък, нали?!!!! Да не забравите да оставите коментарче, пък аз ще предавам поздравите. :)))
